After a rather brutal first date where comments were made about my weight and shape, I felt inspired to write this post. Ugh, gross, I know. Anyways, certain comments can be SO triggering and I want to tell you guys how I deal with these things in the moment and after the fact.
So to give you some context, the person I was on a date with decided to reference some Instagram posts I’d published in early 2017. They proceeded to comment on how “different” I look now and how it seems I was maybe living a different “lifestyle” back then because I was thinner. And truth be told, things were much different and I was significantly smaller then, than I am now.
Rather than getting defensive or justifying my weight (which you don’t need to do ever btw), I decided to be honest. In early 2017, there was a major life event that took a toll on me mentally. That event triggered my eating disorder and I started to use behaviors to cope with the situation. I had lost a significant amount of weight in a rather short amount of time and wasn’t my healthiest self. I also pointed out that I used to be pretty intense with the photoshop/face tune at that time. But just so you know, I haven’t photoshopped any of my images in well over a year now because I just don’t think it’s right.
The comments this individual made were very triggering and made me feel bad about gaining weight. But thankfully I have lots of coping skills and know how to deal with these situations!
Firstly, just know that it’s okay to feel triggered and hurt. Your feelings are valid babe! Rather than just trying to force the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality, I encourage you to really feel your feelings and note what comes up for you. This is a great time to whip out that journal and do a bit of inner soul searching.
But after the comment has been made, I encourage you to pause. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and clap-back with a hurtful comment simply as a form of emotional self-defense. But we all know that tearing another person down isn’t going to make us feel any better.
It’s also good to pause to decide if it’s really worth it to be defensive at all, even if it’s in a calm way. So for me on that date, I just decided that I didn’t want to spend my precious energy defending my body or ranting about the body positivity movement. I’ve learned to be disciplined about what I respond and react to because there are just certain situations that aren’t worth my time and attention.
I also want you to remember that a lot of the time when people say hurtful things, they are just projecting and throwing their own pain on to you in hopes of feeling better. Which obvi just fucking sucks, but try to have compassion and just think about how badly that person must be hurting inside.
Now if someone is consistently making negative comments, ideally you just remove this person from your life altogether. But I’ve been in situations like this where it simply just isn’t possible and that person is going to be present in my life. So, this is where practicing nonviolent communication becomes VERY helpful. NVC is a way you can tell someone to stop being a total asshole, without being a total asshole yourself. Rather than just saying “fuck you, stop making comments on my weight,” pause, and practice NVC.
So the formula for NVC goes like this:
stating a fact + stating how you’re feeling using the word “I” + stating a need you have + making a request.
EXAMPLE: You made a comment about my weight, I feel very hurt, I have a need to be respected and I ask that you don’t make any more comments about my weight or shape.
So easy right?
Another thing to remember is that your health/weight/shape/size is nobody’s business but your own. People just need to stay in their own lane and STFU. End of story.
If you’re feeling really triggered after the fact, call a friend for some reassurance! Reaching out is so powerful and sometimes it just feels good to talk it out. And of course, make sure to do some self-care and show yourself some love. Here are 10 ways I like to practice self-care when I’m feeling low.
Finally, just remember that you are SO much more than your body! Our body is simply the physical vessel that houses the soul and all of the amazing light that’s inside. I know that getting into this mindset and being body positive can be really hard, but girl it is SO worth it.
And just so you know, I’m here for you sister! This is one of the reasons why I’ve created the Glossy Body Posi Program! I want to help you feel like your best body posi self and be confident AF. Literally SO confident that nobody’s opinion, judgment, or triggering words can shake you. If you want to love your body, own who you are, and live your best fucking life in the body you already have, book a call with me today and we can get you all glossed up! My coaching program is totally customized to you and teaches you every skill you need to love yourself and your body unconditionally.