lifestyle

Real Talk: Why I Got Cosmetic Surgery

This post has been highly requested and I have put off publishing it for quite a while, mostly due to my insecurities and fear of judgment. But here we are!

Yes, I had a breast augmentation. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

First off, I would like to say that getting surgery was a huge decision. They call it “going under the knife” for a reason. My goal in writing this isn’t to promote a procedure, I am simply sharing my experience and perspective. I need to put an emphasis on the fact that surgery is not the solution to loving yourself. It wasn’t like the anesthesia wore off then all of the sudden I felt totally confident and loved my body. That is NOT how these things work. The relationship that I have with my body and learning to love it has been the result of confronting deeply rooted issues, doing major soul work and healing. We can’t change the way we truly feel about ourselves by changing one thing that we see in the mirror. So now that I have that out of the way, let me tell you all about why I chose to get a breast augmentation.

I remember when all of my friends starting wearing bras. I never went bra shopping with my mom as a young girl because I simply didn’t need one. Obvi I had major FOMO at the time. But I just kept telling myself that I’d get to wear one at some point after I’d moved past the “breast bud” stage and was fully developed. But that never really happened.

I can remember being in the locker room getting changed for gym class feeling like there was something wrong with me. The issue wasn’t that my boobs were small, it was that they looked entirely different. This made me feel like I didn’t belong. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to deal with the self-hatred and shame I was feeling for the rest of my life.

I wore hella padded bras (VS bombshell, if you know, you know) pretty much every day to disguise their shape. When I was 16,  I finally went to my doctor and said: “I have the weirdest boobs and I want to get a boob job because I feel so ugly.” She laughed and told me my boobs were fine. She said that if I wanted to consider surgery, I should wait until my body was completely finished growing. That meant waiting until I was in my mid 20’s. FML.

In 2014, I read an article in Cosmopolitan magazine (this one) about a girl who had a breast deformity. The way she described it seemed pretty similar to what I had going on, but I wasn’t 100%.

Over a year later, I went to see a doctor for a lip injection consultation. During the consult, I learned that he did a lot of different cosmetic procedures and not just fillers. I started joking about my “alien boobs” and mentioned that I thought I might have some sort of condition that I’d read about in a magazine. But obvi I am not a doctor and Cosmopolitan isn’t exactly a medical journal. LOL. So describing it was tricky! But it just so happened that we still had a few minutes left in our appointment so he was able to asses my alien boobs. I remember feeling completely mortified and thought he would laugh in my like the doctor from before did. He took a look and said, “Yes, you have tuberous breasts.”

WHOOP, THERE IT IS.

The doctor explained to me that tuberous breasts are a result of the breast tissue not fully developing during puberty. I asked if they would change as I grew into my 20’s and the answer was no. My breasts were never going to change, the puberty ship had already sailed. The only way I would be able to fix my “alien tatas” would be through surgery.

Over the next few months, went to see that doctor again for an official consultation to get more information on what exactly would have to happen to correct my breast deformity. That was followed by many more appointments, discussions with my parents, and ultimately me making the decision to get the surgery. I had a breast tissue correction and augmentation in August of 2015.

I’m incredibly happy with the results of the procedure and it has really made a difference in my self-esteem. I no longer have anxiety about wearing bikini tops or feel like I can only wear certain necklines. When I’m at the gym, I feel completely at ease in the locker room and don’t feel like I need to change in a bathroom stall. I don’t have to hide anymore.

But again, I have to be real with you guys. My breast implants were not the “one thing” that all of the sudden made me feel happy in my body. Authentic self-love and true body positivity is soul level shit. It takes really, really hard work. It’s the kind of work that is ongoing, you have to make the choice to show up and love yourself every fucking day.

I’m not here to tell you that you should or shouldn’t get cosmetic surgery. That is a deeply personal choice and only you can decide that for yourself. If you considering it, I encourage you to deeply explore your “why” and really make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons before going under the knife.

As someone who has been shamed for having breast implants, please be kind to those who have had or are considering having cosmetic surgery. I hope that you approach the subject with care and compassion, not judgment. You never know what a person could be experiencing internally and sometimes you just need to listen.

Thank you for reading this insanely long blog post and for allowing me to be open. Love you always.